inattentive.

Apparently, I passed a good eight friends on the Boulevard this weekend, and a few around campus since, and I didn't see any of them. I've just been so distracted lately. I get distracted when I'm stressed.

Rough Spots:
1. Well you know, having a friend die from combination cocaine and alcohol poisoning is never a happy situation.
2. Neither is having a pile of homework that you put off until 1 AM on the due date, when you're trying to watch the VMAs and have a deep conversation with your roommate.
3. People should just say mean things about me to me, instead of around me. (or they could not say mean things at all; how's that for an idea?)
4. Rejection all around, from Community Council, to Student Foundation, to an on-campus employer. I've only ever lost an election once, and I've never been rejected from a job. What happened? My resume is gorgeous. At least I wasn't an annoying suck-up like the girl who got the job; if being who I really am costs me a job, well it wasn't a job worth having. I hate competing with people like that.
5. My jeans stained my Sperrys. Srsly. SRSLY. And I got dye on my brand new skirt in bio lab last week. (it washed out, but still, it was quite a scare.) This was just a lovely cherry on top of the pie.

Bright Spots:
1. I got the highest score on our first Spanish quiz: a 90%. This is good, because it's an A...but it's also bad, because it only gets harder from here on out. I thought I knew this language?
2. My English professor thinks I'm witty and hilarious, yet insightful. I just have an opinion on everything, I guess.
3. Semi-Precious Weapons is coming to Dallas next week. I'm down with getting champagne spit all over me again.
4. I'm going to Poland over Christmas break, to visit death camps and the like. I've never been so excited and so disheartened at the same time. These kinds of things...are hard for me to get my heart around.
5. I have friends. I think.

It's just been such a weird time in my little life. I think I know who I am, what I want, what I'm good at...and then it all gets blown to hell, and I'm back at Square One, reevaluating myself again. I hope this uncertainty is the result of my youth, and that my identity will come with age.

Also, it's rather lonely. This is the longest I've been single since I starting dating in freshman year of high school. I know that for the most part, that singleness was by choice, but now that I'm officially putting myself on the market and there are zero contenders...well it kind of sucks to be the reject. I've never felt so insignificant as I do these days, when I'm standing next to gorgeous, tall blondes with gorgeous long legs and perfectly manicured nails.

Whatever. There are big wars fought over small battles; I think I have more important things to worry about than the state of my cuticles. Or at least, I like to tell myself that.

Also, where is God? Lately, it's been quiet. This is totally my fault.

I'm going to go grumble elsewhere, where nobody can read of my irritations and flawed logic. Until then, don't expect an update for a while; my mind is at capacity and I have no time for release.

All my love.