regretful.

I failed to write a blog yesterday.

This was largely due to the fact that I got home, read Breaking Dawn for half an hour, went to dinner for two hours, came home and read MORE Breaking Dawn, then went to bed at 8:30. No, I don't think the Twilight series is fine literature, nor do I think it's particularly well-written. I just...needed some romance in my life. It's been kind of a drag. More on my sordid affairs later.

I have totally disappointed the blogging world with my inconsistency. Forgive me?
In any case, I guess I can give you a quick update on how I feel today...

Today was one of those days in which I REALLY couldn't stand the people I work with.

Now, I like most of my coworkers, I like one of my main bosses, and I hate pretty much everyone else. It's just a negative, arrogant, stressful environment. Whatever happened to just relaxing? I know it's work, not play, but can't we all just get along? Why is it such a competition to see who's better at this, who has the better that? I'm sick of it. Days like this make me want to quit.

In fact, I just might.

I'm getting sick of the bloated ego that my general workforce seems to have hovering over it. If I have to hear one more thing about anybody's ANYTHING, I am going to explode.

Other than today at work, I've had a very good day. I had dinner with the marvelous Annie Barry, who is only, like, my best friend in the entire world. Which was lovely. We caught up on college stuff, governor's school stuff, and of course, BOY STUFF!

Which makes for a nice segue into my next topic...BOYS! (audible sigh from the audience)

I'm at the point in my life, the brink of my senior year of high school, where I don't know what I wanna do about my relationship "situation". By this time, it's too late to consider getting a serious boyfriend, because I know we'd have to break it off at the end of the year to go to college. Who wants to commit to an end?

But at the same time, I've been a serious relationship almost my entire high school career. I dated a guy throughout my entire freshman year, a different guy from the beginning of my sophomore year until March of my junior year, and now I'm stuck here. With nobody. Alone. I truly do prefer being taken as opposed to being single. I'm happy either way, but I just enjoy being with someone more. I like commitment. And now I have none.

And don't start pity-partying me.

I've been on three dates this summer. Which is a healthy amount, I'd say. But I didn't really LIKE any of the guys I went on dates with. They were just good friends to me. And I prefer it that way. With them.

But that doesn't mean I'm not looking. I do want to meet somebody worth spending lots of time with. Someone worth talking to. Someone interesting and intelligent. But the odds of that happening in Bentonville...SO slim. So should I bother investing time in trying to find someone I couldn't get too attached to anyway? I don't know. Seems like a waste.

I think I'm just looking for someone to talk to, someone who likes talking to me, who likes listening to me. That's all I really want from the opposite gender right now.

Yeah, a true relationship is always a plus, I can't complain about that, but when it comes down to it, I just want a good friend. And nobody seems to get that. I try to be friendly, and they think I'm flirtatious. I try to be distant, and they think I'm rude. I try to be noncommittal, and they think I'm lazy. What the heck, man? Why can't I just be taken at face-value? Ugh.

So I'm ready to throw in the towel on dating. There's nobody left here. Or maybe it's because I have really high standards? I mean, there are lots of great, decent guys, and most of them are already my friends, but I have a strict set of criteria already in place...and I don't think I'm quite willing to make exceptions and be dissatisfied.

I'm just picky.

It's not like I haven't TRIED to make exceptions. There are some non-negotiables...my non-negotiable list gets longer after every guy I date/like. I guess I could give you my current non-negotiable list, and if you know anybody that meets the standards, send 'em my way.

1. Christian. That's just hands-down, no ifs ands or buts about it. This is the singular most important thing to me right now as I carry on my quest for somebody to love. If he's not into God, I'm not into him.

2. Intelligent. I'm talking Mensa-qualified. I'm talking ACT score above 28. I know that sounds superficial, to ask for someone soooooo smart (28's not that hard, you dummy), but to me, anything lower is LAZINESS or LACK OF MOTIVATION or SHEER INCOMPETENCY. I got a 28 my first try, and ain't nobody beating down MY door 'cause I'm a genius. I didn't even try. So he'd better be my level (31) or higher. Preferably higher, of course, but you take what you can get.

3. Blue-eyed. Three of the four guys I've dated were blue-eyed. And after going blue, I don't think I could ever go brown. It's just not as interesting. Blue eyes are just so beautiful. And clear. And readable. And thoughtful. And everything that could be perfect about little squishy round spheres.

4. Honest. I need some good, sensible smacking around sometimes. I find that blunt honesty is extremely beneficial. Not necessarily rude or tactless honesty, but not candy-coated honesty either. A healthy medium. I don't like to lie, and I don't like to be lied to. I expect the same good, fair, honest, just treatment I give to be reciprocated.

5. Fashionable. My definition of fashion is weak in terms of myself, but I can spot a stylish man seven miles away. This really has nothing to do with other peoples' perceptions of what's hot and what's not...it's all about what I think looks attractive on that particular male. Some guys look great in khaki cargo shorts and flip flops...others look ridiculous. It depends on how well I think the guy wears what he's got.

6. Parent-friendly. He dates me, he dates my family. They're so loving and welcoming, it would be extremely difficult to date somebody who distances himself from others. We are a giving, kind, nurturing family. We're VERY close. A guy who can't handle that has no business dating me. He needs to be able to jump right in and swim to the finish line or he isn't worth catching.

7. Giving. I need someone who isn't all about himself, who isn't so wrapped up in his tiny world that his perceptions of the REAL WORLD are limited and flawed to his few square miles of it. I DON'T WANT A FISHBOWL BOYFRIEND. I greatly desire someone who is just 100% all about being there for someone else, caring about others, serving those who have less than him. I'm very much into community service/volunteer-type stuff, and I think anybody with shorter priorities than me, in that regard, isn't going to get along very well.

8. Attractive. This is entirely subjective. I can't list any criteria here because you wouldn't understand. It's all opinion. It's all personal. Sorry, love. See #5.

That's all I can think of right now. Of course, I'd absolutely adore a blond-haired, blue-eyed British boy with an urban style, a Ph.D, and a huge heart, but those are just so rare nowadays. They're the kind that get snatched up by blond-haired, blue-eyed trophy wives who are nothing short of perfect. Why do I even bother?

I'll just have to settle for a nerdy Harvard guy, I guess.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. ;)